Ways End Users Fuck With You

So as any good IT professional knows the end user has one job. A job they are actually more then capable of performing on any given day. Sometimes the user will wait for the perfect moment in which to fulfill this job. If you haven't caught on yet that job is to totally and utterly fuck with you. So for of you aspiring to join the field let me get your toes wet with a typically day in my daily work routine.


To begin with most days I'm presented with a fairly benign morning. Mostly dealing with the clean up of people who don't believe in sleep and whatever was too soul sucking to finish the day prior. I get my morning caffinated beverage of choice and if I'm lucky there is some breakfast in the kitchen. Only then can I be mentally prepared for today's fuckery. Enjoy this short list of common occurances.

  • A user has forgotten their password, and then forgotten their new one after resetting it.
  • A user can't login to the helpdesk to submit a ticket dispite placing a ticket telling me so.
  • A user actually can't login to the helpdesk and proceeds to tell me so many times whilst hovering at my desk.
  • A user has put of doing windows updates on their laptop and now it's failing creating many duplicate profiles (we're slowly fixing this with LTSC roll outs)
  • A user can't login to a HR portal and insists I help them despite the a completely different company manages this and I have no permissions to do anything.
  • A user's fucking hippo of a .pst file has finally caused Outlook to shit itself.
  • A user is getting nag mails about mailbox size and simply can't delete anything so they ask how to move everything to a .pst file.
  • A user has lost the usb dongle for their computer mouth (yes, computer mouth).
  • A user has lost the usb dongle for their bluetooth mouse.

This continues until I either fix everything or I let the tickets baste for a little bit and my coworker joins in on the fun. Keep in mind kiddies you will still need to continue to do your normal daily functions and any additional tasks all whilst the user continues to need diaper changes. As for the mailbox quota user he's been here for only a few months and as already racked up 20 gigs of emails. Now unfortunately I'm not in control of quotas and frankly we don't have one. It will just continue to nag every single day until they submit a ticket asking how to get rid of it because deleting emails isn't the first thought in their heads. At some point coffee can no longer support my needs and I have to resort to freebasing caffeine off of my desk just to survive. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love my job and to some extent helping people. With that in mind I didn't go to college to set the scaling to 300% because your blind ass won't go get glasses. Nor should I have to explain your mouse won't work because you stuffed entire sleeves of Ritz crackers or some other unholy shit into it. If you couldn't tell by now this blog is intended to be informational as well as an outlet to vent some steam but honestly the fact you navigated here by yourself is more then enough.

Keep studying and ace those god damned certs. I'm not saying it will save you from end user hell because surely enough you just find people who have more advanced ways of shitting all over your hard work. At the very least you could be doing something interesting while in between daily feedings to the baby monkey pit your company keeps down in the dank depths.

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